Well, this hasn’t happened in a while. I’m not really using this blog as much as I intended or for the same purposes. But, eh, you win some, you lose some….ladies, am I right?
Anyway, ever since I got back from New York my life has changed a lot and will be changing even more drastically in the near future. My sister is now back in the states from living abroad for 2 years straight, which is a good thing but bizarre because my life isn’t accustomed to that yet. My family moved out of my childhood home and to a different state, which is probably the most traumatic over the past couple months. It sounds silly but just the comfort of being somewhere familiar being gone is one of the weirdest and hardest things I’ve had to deal with in a while. Not having a permanent address proves to be challenging when filling out applications for grad schools and conventions. I knew that this would happen eventually but I didn’t know that it would be so quick and so much of it while I was gone that I missed. No more reunions with high school friends in the basement, no more hot tub (not that we used it that much anyway). There’s just so much I will miss about the comfortableness of that place. Also, I do feel so blessed to have grown up in Oldham County. Though in my angsty teen moments (which I must say were few and far between) I wish I’d been somewhere else, it was a wonderful place to raise a family. And I am in love with Kentucky. I don’t foresee myself living here for the rest of my life but the hills, the horses, the clean air, it’s all just so beautiful.
Also, another strange thing about returning to this school year is that a lot, and I mean A LOT, of my good good friends are no longer here or with me to begin with. Most of my friends that I wen to school with are graduated and have moved on to wonderful opportunities and it is becoming exceedingly difficult to make time to see or talk to them. Also, the wonderful, life-long friends that I made in New York this summer are not with me either. I did not intend to make as wonderful friends as I did this summer. I planned on having a good time with people and enjoying their company but focusing on my work and craft. Coming out of the summer I was able to make incredible friends and focus 100% on my work. It was one of the most rewarded experiences I’ve ever had if not THE most rewarding experience. I can wholeheartedly say that some of these people I cannot imagine life without and very much love them to the bottom of my heart and it is a terrible pain to be away from them.
And more changes to come! I’m excited and nervous about the future…I can’t tell which is more right now. After graduation my whole life will legitimately be turned upside-down. I’m in the process of getting together grad school stuff. Figuring out where I want to audition, when I’m going to do it, what material, etc. Pretty much, figuring out what I’m going to do with my next few years. Thinking about it gives me a heart attack. I could be going to school in Illinois, North Carolina, New York or no where. Planning for all of this is a clear indication that these are the last real days of my youth. Which I suppose is okay, however, at the same time youth is safety and real adulthood is scary and unpredictable.
But, this shift is something we all have to go through. …And some of us blog about it. It is an inevitable change we all have to face at some point or another. Some don’t face it until their mother kicks them out of the basement at 45. Others of us face it before the quarter-life crisis. I would consider this a crisis itself. I was talking to my friend Austin the other day about this exact thing. Everyone is looking younger, everything is happening sooner…what if the mid-life and quarter-life crises are also pushed up along with everything else. Maybe this is an early quarter life crisis? We were likening this experience to the end of high school. In high school you’re expected to know what you want to do with the rest of your life at 17. In college you know, roughly, what you want to do with the rest of your life at 21 but just not how. College is high school all over again. I didn’t sign up for that.
We’re all just going through the inevitable change of youth.
The beautiful thing about New York is you have to expose yourself to other people the minute you step outside the door. There is no choice. And I love that.Sarah Jessica Parker
Cat Power- Sea of Love
“I wanna tell you how much I love you.”
I need to tumbl more. But I JUST don’t have the energy.
We’re teaching you the secrets of Brando, for God’s sake. Use them!Alice Saltzman (my scene study teacher)